AMERICAN FAN RUINS MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR JAPAN

Another shining example of the proud ignorance. This time coming from "The Home of the Brave".

"Konichiwa B*$#hes!" I guess anyone juiced up on liquid courage would be brave when surrounded by 100,000 people, but this is horribly offensive.

Brave is standing in an 8 hour line for water. Brave is walking home for 5 hours to be with your family because the trains aren't running. Brave is helping your neighbour look for their child while you're wife is still missing. Brave is refusing to panic even after a 9.0 earthquake, a 6m tsunami and a nuclear fiasco all at the same time.

Click Like or Share to show that despite the donkeys of this world, the rest of us are praying for our brothers and sisters in Japan.

BANANAGATE

BANANAGATE CAUGHT ON CAMERA!!

Jim Munro of The Sun, may doubt that the banana thrown in the direction of Brazil's Neymar during Saturday's friendly with Argentina at the Emirates, may not have been racially motivated (and he has some good video evidence). I hope he is right but due to a long history of racial slurs being volleyed around England's football pitches, I think it may be wishful thinking.

CANSECO BROTHERS PULL BAIT & SWITCH AT BOXING EVENT

Apparently Jose Canseco doesn't even have to show up to cash in on his waning celebrity anymore. Cast aside from the celebrity D List, banished from the sports talk rounds, book deals evaporated, the steroid-tainted slugger has turned to the celebrity boxing circuit to earn a paycheque on Saturday night in Florida. Unfortunately for fans at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and promoter Damon Feldman, it wasn't Jose who graced the ring, but rather twin brother Ozzie.

Now this isn't the first time the twin brothers have pulled a fast one on the public. Ozzie has allegedly been perfecting his role as Jose for years at sports card shows and book signings. He then went legit by appearing as a Jose impersonator in Season 5 of The Surreal Life, meanwhile Jose earned his 50K for the series by donning nothing else but a leopard print bikini and some lipstick in an episode. Good Stuff!

"A bait-and-switch," Feldman told the newspaper. "I'm disgusted".

Unable to pick out the fraud himself, Feldman endured further embarrassment when he was forced to cancel the fight after ringside fans called out the impostor and his differing bicep tattoos. Having already paid half of the $10,000 fight fee in advance, Feldman had Ozzie escorted out of the nightclub by police and wants his money back.

"The guy I thought was Jose kept asking me to pay him in cash before (the fight)," Feldman told the Miami Herald. "I told him I had to pay him by check for business reasons. He said he needed cash. We went back and forth."

Jose Canseco hit back via his Twitter account:

"Be very careful with Damon Feldman who runs celebrity boxing he will not pay you he will not pay you if you fight for him."

Canseco later continued his rant in a tone very reminiscent of one Charlie Sheen:

"the truth is always hidden to the public to create villains and heroes which 1 are you truly...seek the truth before reacting...just remember the media is write 20 percent of 50 percent of the time time...how can you haters being so ignorant its amazing...I am still waiting for an intelligent scenario...by the way e s p n is owned by major league baseball of course they are going to lie."

DING DING! This may be shaping up to be a better fight than the one on Saturday night. Oh wait, it already is.

JOSE CANSECO SWAPS IN TWIN BROTHER FOR BOXING MATCH

TILLAKARATNE DILSHAN, CURSE OR MUSE?

I loathe Tillakaratne Dilshan! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because of his cricketing skills, and it’s definitely not because he and his twin tower of destruction Upul Tharanga just smashed England in the quarter finals of this year’s World Cup. I hate the Sri Lankan Allrounder entirely for my own idiosyncratic reasons.

Till-awk-a-rawt-nee Dil-shawn, now repeat…and repeat again…this time faster…and faster again! Keep doing this over and over and you’ll have an idea of what goes on in my head, every time I hear the man’s name! No matter what time of the day Dilly’s name crosses my lips, I lie awake in bed hours later, and the only thing going on upstairs in my head is; Tillakaratne Dilshan, Tillakaratne Dilshan, Tillakaratne Dilshan! Keeping me awake at all hours without fail, just like any awful Lady Gaga song would after it has molested my ears for the first time.

For me, the whole problem dates back to my days in the ESPN STAR Sports newsroom, having to pronounce the name for the first time in a highlight pack. Tillakaratne, Tillakaratne…it was like The Little Engine That Could, “I think I can, I think I can”. And it worked, I was able to pronounce his name properly on air, but no matter what I did that night, I couldn’t get the man’s name out of my head, and the same Dilshan record-skip has occurred every other night since, even if I just read his name or glance at a photo of the man.

Confident that I had left the Dilshan curse behind when I returned home to the non-cricket loving nation of Canada, I let my guard down, only to be rick-rolled by the 34 year old again on Saturday. With a headline reading ‘Twin Tons Power Sri Lanka Victory” on Cricinfo.com my curiosity got the better of me. I clicked it and sure enough there it was, a giant photo of TM Dilshan, instantly ruining my night’s sleep in the process.

Tillakaratne Dilshan, Tillakaratne Dilshan, Tillakaratne Dilshan….

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, MAKE LEMONADE

Lying there, Dilly Anger rising, something different happened this night, instead of opposing the curse I embraced it, recounting the amazing feat…

Partnering with Thanaga, the Sri Lankan openers systematically tore apart England’s bowlers chasing down 230 runs, and cruised to victory by 10 wickets and 63 balls, knocking the two-time runner-ups out of the World Cup. Nevermind the fact that Dilshan had also taken a wicket in England’s innings, it is one of the greatest sporting performances of the year, and no one west of England or east of Australia will ever hear about it.

Unable to find the comfort of my sub-conscience at night, with my curse now transformed to muse, I was able to compose the maiden contribution to this blog. And for that I have to give credit where credit is due, you were a worthy foe Mr. Tillakaratne Dilshan. I thank you for fighting the good fight, the future readers of The Scrum thank you, and most of all Canada thanks you. Why? For giving us a reason to hold our heads high when you were caught out by John Davison after a mere half-century in the group stages…we’ll conveniently forget that your Sri Lankan side beat us by 210 runs.

ESPN Cricinfo - Twin Tons Power Sri Lanka Victory